Lilly's decision
by jls babeah
Summary: Reviews please! Severus. James .Severus. James .Severus. James .Severus. James .Severus. James .Severus. James .Severus. James . baby.
1. Chapter 1

My head is banging. My heart is racing. I feel sick .But I know the feeling. I've felt nothing but nauseous the past few weeks. I don't why. Once I was actually physically sick. That wasn't fun . I was sick all over James Quidditch jumper but then he held my hair and wiped my face and kissed my lips. Then, the next day I was sick all over Severus cloak. That was even worse, but he took me home and wet my forehead. That felt good, although afterwards mother and father asked why I had a boy bringing me home. I said he was Miranda's brother. That was a lie.

But this has been the best summer ever. But the highlight was that night with James. I couldn't have imagined it to be better. But then again the Hogwarts leavers ball was fun, Severus took me to that.

I sound like a right tart, talking about them both like this. But I need to choose which one of them to date before this summer is over and we all have to start living our own lives. I don't know which one I really love my heads all over the place and my heart , well that's another story. I asked Miranda who she thinks I should date. She just talked in that annoying American accent , I swear she puts on to sound cool.

"Lilly" she whined "who do you love, you gotta follow your heart not your head."

"But Miranda" I replied " what is love" I wished I hadn't said because then she started telling me this long story about her and Sam and how he kissed her in the rain and how she wanted him to meet her parents but didn't know how they'd react. Gosh! That made my headache even worse.

I don't even know where that headache has come from, just suddenly out of nowhere and it couldn't have come at a worse time.

I asked Miranda about that, but she just whittled on.

"Lilly, are sure it's a headache not a heartache and are you sure you're just not love sick, cos , no amount of medicine or potions can cure lovesickness , gosh! I should know".

I felt like screaming then so I just curled up into a ball and shut my eyes.

"You see, I love Sam so much that I get heartache whenever I'm not with him and he says he gets the same, do you think he does?"

I rolled over , grabbed my cushion and thrust it at her face.

"Gosh Miranda! Shut up!" She took this as a chance to play and started hitting me with my favourite teddy. I grabbed it off her and held it close to my chest.

"Gosh Lilly! Are you ok?"

"No , I really don't know what to do". I could feel my eyes water and my lips tremble.

"Lilly are you crying?"

"No of course not, who do you think I am?" I sniffed in embarrassment.

"Erm, I think you're human Lilly, everybody cries it's a natural process, you shouldn't be embarrassed."

"Shut up!" I screeched, "I'm not crying , go away!" Miranda ran out of my room in tears.

"Miranda, Miranda" I could hear my mum called and then I heard the door slam. "Lilly dear" mum shouted up the stairs "What's happened". I opened my mouth but I could already hear her rushing up the stairs.

She burst through my door.

"You could have knocked" I said angrily.

"Lilly dear what's wrong?" Mum's always calm.

"Nothing I sobbed."

"Then why are you crying and why did Miranda just storm out the house, did you guys fall out?"

"Yes" I sobbed.

"You guys haven't fallen out since she stole your colouring pencils, what happened?"

"Mum" I sat up and dried my face "don't you just hate that accent?"

"Yes, it can be annoying, but you've been acting weird recently, Lilly tell me what's wrong please."

"Honestly mum it's nothing."

"Don't block me out Lilly. Tell me what's wrong, is it a boy problem, who was that guy that brought you home the other."€

"I told you mum he's Mirandas brother."

"Lilly, do you think I'm stupid? We've known Miranda years and she's never mentioned a brother."

"Yes her mum had him adopted."

"Lilly , who do you think I am?"

"My very nosey mother?"

"Lilly don't take advantage of me."

"Mum , don't take advantage of me."

"I'm not I just want to know what's wrong with my little girl."

"Mum! I'm not your little girl anymore I can sort out my own problems."

"So there is a problem then.."

"Did I say that ?"

"Yes , spill"

"Ok , so there's these two guys.."


	2. Chapter 2

After I'd told my mum the whole story she hugged me and then burst into tears. She stroked my hair and I played with her bracelet.

"Are you ok mum?" I said.

"Hell , I'm ok , I just can't believe. My little girl."

"Mum what should I do?"

"I was hoping you'd ask me that. James all the way , you've slept with him and this Severus guy just sounds like a lot of trouble."

"But mum, Severus loves me."

"And so does James."

"Exactly, mum, I need you. I don't feel so grown up anymore, oh , and mum , I've been felling nauseous ever since. Since that night with James."

We looked at each other. I knew she thought what I'd been thinking all along."

"Did you?" She asked.

"We didn't." I knew what she was talking about.

"So, I'm popping over the chemist can I leave you a minute" she said.

"Sure" I said and mum left the room. I picked up my phone and looked at the screen. 7 missed calls from Miranda and a text from James.

I looked at the text, 'I love you' it read. 'I'm scared' I replied. I dialled Miranda's number.

"Oh so you finally pick up", the voice on the other end of the phone sounded cross.

"I was talking to mum since you left and I think I owe you an apology but Miranda, I'm scared. I think I might be.."I didn't even have to say the word before Miranda gasped in shock.

"Oh my god Lily, I'm coming over."

"Okay" I whispered and hung up.

Mum walked in and handed me the paper bag. I took it from her, my fingers shaking.

"Do you want me to come up?" she asked.

"No , I'm fine Mirandas coming over."

"I thought you girls fell out."

"No she called."

"I knew that wouldn't last very long, did you tell her."

"Yes I tried but I think she guessed."

"But you don't exactly look big."

"No I told her about the nausea."My phone vibrated. I looked at it, another text from James. 'What's so scary baby xxx' I showed it to mum. She took a moment to take it in.

"And that's him; just tell him you need to talk. I'll pay for you guys to have lunch."

Just then there was a knock at the door. Miranda only lived down the road and was always there when I needed her. She wrapped her arms around me and snuggled my face into her breasts and clung on to her t-shirt. She stroked my hair. I knew my best friend would be there whenever I needed her.

"Don't worry Lilly , we'll do it together , did you get a test yet?"

"I couldn't, mum's just got back" I begun walking upstairs and Miranda followed me. I shut the bathroom door.

A few seconds I looked at the small cardboard box and pulled out the little plastic test and a small instruction manual. I followed the instructions but couldn't bear to look at the test. "Miranda" I shouted and unlocked the door. Miranda walked in and sat on the floor , back and the door. I handed her the test and sat beside her. I looked away from her , body shaking , but she held it up to my face . I grabbed Miranda's hand and looked at grabbed the test from her. Straight blue line. I wept and Miranda pulled me towards her.


	3. Chapter 3

Me and Miranda just sat there , me crying and her stroking my brunette hair.

"Miranda"

"Yes"

"I can't do it."

She grabbed on to my shoulders and pulled me to face her.

"Look Lily, I've known you as long as I can remember and you've always been the strongest person I know."

"But sometimes strong people just can't be strong any more. I can't do it Miranda. I just can't."

"If you say that one more time , I'm leaving." Remember when we younger and we were playing mummys and daddys together?"

"You always made me play the dad." I giggled.

"Only because it was my dolls we were playing with, well anyway , I remember one day when we sat on your lawn and we drank that milkshake stuff your mum bought."

"I remember that, the pink stuff with the sparkles."

"Well, you picked up that doll and you held her tight and you rocked her and do you remember what you said to me? You told me you were gonna have a million kids. I know you didn't understand then but I always knew you'd be the best mum ever , the way you held those dolls like you'd never let go and how gentle you are. You were no ordinary kid Lily. Do you remember that time we were about eleven , our mums let us go down to the park on our bikes and I got my foot caught in the peddle. I couldn't stop crying and you pulled me up and gave me a piggyback all the way back home. Well my point is you've always been strong, you've helped me through a lot Lily I know you can do this."

"When I played with those dolls I never imagined I'd have kids quite so soon. I always wanted to leave Hogwarts, have kids get married. I never imagined I'd be 16, torn between two guys not knowing which one I loved , living at home and still have two years left at Hogwarts. I know I'm strong but I've never had to be so strong before. I've not just got to be strong for me , I've got to be strong for the baby to. If I do choose Severus, James will want the rights to his own kid . I'm not exactly rich either, I don't have a job and mum can't afford to keep a baby. I'm not old enough to claim benefits. God, how am I gonna tell dad, he'll go nuts . He always wanted me to follow him and work for the ministry. I don't want to grow up yet, I still want my own life. I'm still a kid , I still have a teddy on my bed."

There was a knock on the bathroom door. It suddenly occurred to me , mum didn't know yet.


End file.
